Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend: 60 Ideas for Every Stage

What are good questions to ask your girlfriend?

Good questions are open, about her real life, and easy to follow up on. "What made you laugh this week?" works better than "Are you happy?", because it gives her something specific to talk about. Pick the section that matches your stage, ask two or three questions, and follow one answer further instead of moving to the next question.

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Why questions bring you closer

Couples feel closer when they share things and get a warm response. In studies by Shelly Gable and colleagues, people who told others about good things in their lives felt better afterwards, and couples reported more closeness and satisfaction when a partner usually reacted to good news with real enthusiasm. A good question gives her a reason to share, and your reaction helps.

Personal questions also build closeness between people who barely know each other. In a classic study, Arthur Aron and colleagues had strangers take turns answering questions that got more personal over 45 minutes, and those pairs ended up feeling closer than pairs who made small talk.

Questions for a new girlfriend

In the first weeks you're still learning the basics: what she likes, how she spends her time, what makes her laugh. Keep it light and curious.

1. What's something you were obsessed with as a kid?
2. What does your perfect lazy Sunday look like?
3. Which friend knows you best, and how did you meet?
4. What's a place that makes you feel calm?
5. What's the last thing you learned just because you were curious?
6. Are you a planner or do you like to see where the day goes?
7. What's a food you'll defend even though people make fun of it?
8. What did you want to be when you grew up, and how close did you get?
9. What's a trip you still talk about?
10. What's something you want to try this year that you haven't told many people?

Questions for when you've been together a few months

A few months in, the first excitement settles and daily life shows up. These questions help you understand how she likes to be cared for and how she handles hard days.

11. What's your favorite way to spend the first hour after work?
12. What's something I do that makes you feel cared for, even if it's small?
13. What's a small thing that annoys you that I should know about?
14. Is there something you wish I asked you about more often?
15. What does a good weekend together look like to you?
16. Which part of your week do you protect no matter what?
17. What's one thing about dating me that surprised you?
18. Which of your friends do you want me to get to know better?
19. What's a habit of mine you've noticed but never mentioned?
20. Which holiday do you look forward to most, and how do you like to spend it?

Questions for a long-term girlfriend

After a year or more, it's easy to assume you know all her answers. People change, so these questions look at who she is now, not who she was when you met.

21. What's something you care about now that you didn't care about two years ago?
22. Which moment from our time together would you like to live again?
23. What's a goal you've been quietly working toward?
24. What's a memory of us you think about when you're having a bad day?
25. What's one thing we used to do that you miss?
26. Where do you feel stuck right now, and how can I help?
27. What's something you're more confident about now than when we met?
28. What do you think we do well as a couple?
29. What's something you'd like us to try together this year?
30. What's one way I could support your goals better?

Questions about money and the life you want

Money, kids, where to live and how to spend time can shape a shared life more than any hobby. You don't need to settle all of it on date five, but these questions show early whether you want the same things.

31. What's the best money decision you've ever made?
32. What's a splurge you've never regretted?
33. Would you rather have a nicer home or more trips?
34. Where can you picture yourself living in ten years: city, small town, abroad?
35. How do you feel about having kids, now or later?
36. What does a good balance of work and free time look like to you?
37. How important is it that a partner shares your faith or values?
38. What's one thing you'd never compromise on in a relationship?

Questions for a long-distance relationship

Long distance takes away the small, daily moments, so questions have to fill the gap. Use them on calls, in voice notes or over text.

39. What did you do today that I'd have loved to see?
40. What's the hardest part of being apart for you this week?
41. How would you like us to spend our next visit?
42. Which of our routines would you like to keep, even from far away?
43. Is there a time of day when you miss me most?
44. What would make our calls feel less like updates and more like time together?
45. What's something you're looking forward to in your own life right now?
46. How do you picture the moment we finally live in the same place?

Questions to ask before you move in together

Moving in turns two routines into one. Talk about the boring parts early, while it's still easy to be honest.

47. How tidy do you need a home to be to feel relaxed?
48. What's one thing in your current place you'd never give up?
49. Are you a morning person, a night owl, or somewhere in between?
50. How often do you like having friends or family over?
51. Which chores do you not mind, and which do you hate?
52. What does "space to yourself" look like at home?
53. How do you feel about pets, now or later?
54. If we disagree about something at home, how should we decide?

Fun questions for a slow evening

Not every talk needs to be deep. These are for a long dinner, a road trip or a night on the couch.

55. If you could master one skill overnight, which would you pick?
56. What's the strangest dream you remember?
57. Which fictional character would you most like to have dinner with?
58. If we opened a small shop together, what would it sell?
59. What's a song that always gets you dancing?
60. What's the best compliment you've ever received?

For more questions that work at any stage, see our page of deep conversation questions.

How to respond to her answers

The question opens the door. A warm response makes it easier for her to keep talking.

Ask a follow-up. In a 2017 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people who asked more questions, especially follow-ups, were liked more by the person they talked to. Pick one detail she mentioned and ask about it: "You said you miss our Sunday walks. What did you like about them?"

Celebrate her good news out loud. When she shares a win, react with interest and questions, not a quick "nice" while you look at your phone. That is the active, warm response Gable's studies linked to closer couples.

Share your own answer. A conversation where only one person answers feels like an interview. After she answers, give yours.

Let her skip. If a question lands badly, let it go. You can come back to it on another day, or never.

Where questions are not enough

Questions help you know each other better. They won't settle a conflict that keeps coming back, and they're no test she has to pass.

If the same argument returns every week, or talks about money, kids or trust always end in a fight, a couples counsellor or licensed therapist can help you both talk it through. If you feel unsafe with a partner, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is free and confidential at 1-800-799-7233, and in an emergency call 911. Our trust and safety page has more.

Summary

Match the questions to your stage, ask a few, and spend most of the time on the follow-up. Her answers will change over the years, so the same question can be worth asking again. For more ideas, read our questions to ask your boyfriend, the broader guide to questions to get to know someone, and our first date ideas for the very start.